My mom, two sisters, and I can have a conversation, almost, in hashtags.
We even punctuate our hashtags with an "exclamation point" emphasized by the thump of our four fingers enumerating the syllables in /hashtag/. We know it's going to be a good one because the punctuation comes before the actual clips of "phrases".
There's something in a good hashtag, I feel.
Talking in hashtags is saying everything you need to say about something in witty code.
Wit is something special.
In my opinion, wit is mastered by going through an experience and coming out on the good side of it.
Wit is like a language, but there has to be a spark between the sender and receiver so it doesn't get lost in the encoding and decoding process of communication.
So wit is kind of like a love language. It's the humor in the language between two kindred hearts. Because, yes, I do believe, laughter is the best medicine.
BEGIN SIDENOTE: When I journaled, and had something to say to someone from the depth of my heart -from the space reserved for that person- I'd hashtag it as #heartspeak but since it was written in text, I'd "punctuate" it, specifically. #heartwritten :END SIDENOTE
I have to say something about my dad, though, here. He speaks in his own hashtag way, and instead of laughter, the medicine is peace. He can say everything you are feeling in one simple clip. #enya (You know how an artist's artistry is captured, known, and understood by only their first name? That's how poignant he can be.)
And as one of my best friends Gizmo said to me repeatedly, "If you're not laughing through life, you are crying." #humility
I'll introduce Gizmo one day.
PS I'll never claim to be witty. I have some good examples to look to, but I will claim - I hope to be on my way there.
PS (6/19/2020) I added a photo of my family because I always enjoyed "reading" the illustrations.
Isn't it something that in my search for that particular photo, it was the only one I hadn't rotated in its group before saving. I not only attempted to edit the photo's position, here, but I attempted to find the photo's location and edit the original. No chance. Ha! #itriedmybest
7/14/20 I revisit my entries time and time again, and this photo always makes me smile. One, because it is of people who are my greatest examples of what love means to me; two, because it is my wedding day to Matt; three, because of the photos position.
I have really worked hard to flip and reverse frustrations.
(Finding my voice in writing has helped me. In my thirties I have written a lot. I have journaled on notebook paper, copy paper, binded journals, post its, iPhone Notes, text messages, emails, etc. I have journaled so much in text mode, once I thought if I could get a hand on all of my text messages I’ve ever sent, I’d bind it into a book I’d title - Emily’s TextBook. I hesitantly deleted a bulk of messages in that format one) because they just needed to be because two) the action helped me remember every word existed in my spirit, first. They were my expressions. I do miss those writings most because I experienced joy amidst them and when I’d revisit them, they made me smile, laugh and cry. It shook me sometimes to realize how present I, at times, did not believe myself to be. #ifthatmakessense) It frightened me to understand how actually deep I feel in moments because I know how difficult it is to temper the array of feelings in those moments. Journaling has helped me understand...how difficult it has been to temper myself in present moments never cheated the real meaning of the moment. The full breadth is integrated into your being. That, too, does not feel passive to me. Integration happens with work. In work of the Spirit. It feels good to know where my help in this comes from. Because. It.is.not.easy. Inspiration helps, too. My family is an inspiration to me. I am grateful, too, for the friends of our family.)
I began journaling after the passing of PW in autumn 2016, and making the choice to sit and listen to myself in the silence took some courage - there was much too much in front of me, but it has been worth it.
In very few words one day, I conveyed to my Godmother how significant writing has been to me. She is one to know exactly what to say in the heart of the moment, too.
There is no greater feeling of being known than in those moments.
It frightens me most when Matt knows exactly how to ease my fear because I met him in pre-calculus. #fearGod He is married into my family. I have come to understand in those effortless moments, we are speaking about Truth as it relates to us.
There have been plenty of times he frustrates me only because I know how hard he is trying to understand the words coming out of my mouth (and I am bluntly honest in my non-verbal language with Matt), and while it deepens my love for him to witness his effort, I am grateful he cannot understand where I am coming from.
That’s where my mom, Dad, sisters, grandparents, Godparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins come in.
It is amazing how close we can be with family in the physical distance and in the quiet. It is just the strength of their presence.
Grandma and Grandpa Sugarplum come to mind. Grandpa Sugarplum. “Be cool.” That’s one of his phrases! And he is, but I’ll liken him to a blue flame. He is one of the most hot-headed folks I know, and I won’t disclaim myself as hot-headed, but he doesn’t have to tell anyone he is a grandpa for them to know he’s Grandpa.
“Zip-ee-dee-doo-dah.” “Yabba Dabba Doo”. Growing up, he was always saying goodbye that way. I don’t ever remember him actually saying goodbye.
(Grandpa is who he is, but I think Grandma Sugarplum lit his flame. I know this because I’ll never forget how Grandpa stated his attraction to her - “And that body!” Grandpa said. He expressed that exclamation with adoration. It is funny to hear your grandpa recognizing and admiring your grandma’s God-given beauty. Grandma had been passed for quite some time when he made that exclamation, so it helped to hear it for the first time in this context. Grandma Sugarplum is still very much present with Grandpa, I recognized. I am grateful I was present for that moment of exclamation. It was honest, humorous, sweet, and refreshing. #itwasspiritual)
Matt could have developed his patient nature with me simply through moments in which I have had to say goodbye. One time, he actually said his goodbye and waited for me in the car.
As I was saying about trying to rotate this photo to view, it was a goofy moment. I was fully attending, but it just was not going to be so. I did get frustrated; I’ve rotated many photos with success before this one. Sometimes I’m able to simultaneously attend to what the frustrating moment is truly speaking to me. Other times, I have a subtle feeling by the sheer goofiness of it, it is what it is supposed to be in the moment, and it will be okay. The feeling of “will be” comes from an inner peace. That.is.not.easy.to know because the “voice” asssking me to trust is very quiet and still. #iwilltrust And the message meant for me to receive will become clear in good time, and sometimes there’s not only just a message but there’s a message and an answered prayer.
(I have had a great understanding about answered prayers. Answered prayers are not always surprises. Receiving takes great courage. Receiving is an act. I don’t hesitate in playfully reminding Matt I pursued him. I know it is so because he always confirms it is true with a bashful smile. You cannot fake the truth in a bashful smile. I don’t overuse that truth, though. I always remind him when the reminiscent feeling arises.
That took a different element of courage to pursue Matt. #eventhough Even though he hinted he was the answer. Isn’t that funny? #loveisstrange
That alone can describe the courage it takes to receive God. I am still afraid to love Matt as tenderly and as deeply as I did at first sight (the knowing I passively received he was meant for me #loveatfirstsight). #fearGod
There is truth to the fixed rotation of this family photograph.
Vertical and layered. 7/16 #cake
Amanda and Kate have honed the baking gene they received. This is Amanda’s cake. /20
It’s funny we’re layered in between Kate and Amanda. <3. There’s an honest strength in each of us, but this is very true.
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