Memory.

I remember doing only two things throughout my adolescence.  

One) Homework

Two) Exercising

Besides joining the Children's Liturgy to celebrate Mass on Christmas Eve, one of the first things I chose to join with minor hesitation was the Cross Country team my Sophomore year.  

During my run as a Sophomore and Junior, I placed individually, once. - Coach Greenhill awarded me MVP.  Of the junior varsity team.  I am still proud of that recognition to this day for the reasons I chose to join and for how I chose to run in meets.  For Coach Greenhill to recognize this meant something to me because she was not easy.  You dug, and then you dug deeper.  #teachmehowtoduggie  And being 5'2 3/4" #socloseyetsofar and "slim-thick" as Matt endearingly refers to my morphology, I am set up for success in the excavation department.  I ran a few times in Varsity meets as the Varsity Team's alternates, and I may be #shybynature, but I was not shy to ask God for extra help in those moments.  

I had this thought once, and I jotted it down:  Cross country is the library of sports. 

There's no pep rally, no cheerleaders, no audience.  There's just you to hype, to encourage, and to cheer yourself on.  Your performance has a collective significance, but there is a very individual aspect about the sport.  You are more in competition with yourself versus being in competition with others.

That's something I thank God my parents instilled in their daughters.  Be grateful for the encouragement you receive from others, but, first, be your own encourager.  

I can't remember being curious about many things, but one thing I can is strength training.  Margaret Richard's Body Electric.  It's funny how curiosity is linked with a spark, and Body Electric has the ring of a spark to it.  There are many clear things I can link Mom to in my memories and Body Electric is one of them.

Maybe around 11 or 12, I began strength training.  If my 11 year old self had to say why I chose to engage in a more adultish activity, I would say because it was something I saw my mom doing and when I showed an interest in it, she was eager to encourage me.  I wouldn't say I had the maturity to understand its relationship to strengthening bone density, as I do now as an adult, but I did have the maturity to understand if my choice on it had the force of my mom behind me, I just knew it must be something good.  So I did it.  

I have had a crazy journey with it.  But.  My mom momingly set boundaries early on when I had no clue.  In reflection, I know they were boundaries because I pushed the limit.  I was on the line, but I feel I can say I never crossed the other side of the line's definition.  

I am grateful for my awareness in my journey, and I am grateful I have joy in it.  

I have this thought about muscle memory.  I believe in it.  

My secret, beyond physiology, in creating muscle memory is when you're in forward momentum, you must accept, with gratitude, where you are beginning again.    

I met the body I could have if I maintained what I was doing because any "let up" in it, it slipped away. What was I doing?  Power walking/jogging 54 miles per week (as a dog walker), eating when I had time, strength training daily to keep my core and legs strong (to keep myself and the pups on my leash safe).  Needless to say, I was not getting enough sleep.  I also tried to maintain my 10 min/ mile pace if I decided to try a fourth half marathon since I "felt" I was in preparation for one.  

It was not a lifestyle.  

In this photo, I do remember being exhausted.  But it was an endurance.  I was in joy.  

My smile is not from the way my clothes fit.  It was from gratitude.  I remember that. 

Gratitude for many things.  One of the most light-hearted forms - I found the perfect little velvet black hairbow to complete the "tuxedo" look I created from my closet.  It reminded me of the many hairbows I collected in my bow box as a child.  I loved wearing hairbows.  #thebiggerthebowtheclosertoGod    

I had never been to a formal gala, and it was just right.  It was hosted by a small town farm and ranch community.  #itwasalittlebitcountry

I deepened my muscle memory exponentially in that season.

I have something else to say about muscle memory apart from quadriceps.  I believe, too, there is something to muscle memory when it comes to the heart.  The heart is a muscle, too.  Cardiac muscle has its very own physiology.  Knowing this anatomical fact is neat when I remind myself: 

I can do all things. [1/14/22 …through Christ who strengthens my heart.]