Most.

I once told someone in frustration, “I am over here doing the most.”  The response I received to that articulation was not of awareness, his response was a question: “Why do you put so much emphasis on that?” 

I do not like being questioned by people for a number of reasons.  One) People tend to only like what they want to hear. 

There are questions I have been asked I keep the most right answer I would give myself to myself had I asked the question.  This question was one of those questions.  

I asked myself, “Why do I put so much emphasis on that?” 

I came across my grandparent’s prayer prayed for me at my college graduation in the thought of me going out into the unfamiliar, and their prayer is how I would answer the question posed to me most high: Always keep God first in all things so that He will be glorified in all you do. 

I cannot do God first in all things without God’s help.  In fact, most things I have done that feel God first would not be possible for me to do without The Holy Spirit’s help.  I know so because I know what my own strength feels like.  The frustration I feel in doing the most is most people do not recognize I am doing what I am doing with help.  I am not doing what I am doing in my own strength.  I feel different in what I am doing, how I know I am doing something different #anewthing. That is how I feel I glorify God in what I do: I am aware and those who love me best are aware that what I am doing, I could not do in my own strength - the Holy Spirit is with me. 

[1/26/22 I read a prayer on 1/18/22 in the bathroom at my grandma’s house.  (I remembered prayer was present in Kate’s first apartment’s bathroom mirror in her writing.)  The prayer on the page in my grandma’s bathroom: Lord, give me Pentecost after Pentecost.  It had a sense to me, but it didn’t make its perfect sense to me until I remembered again something my mom told me in the spirit of encouragement in 2016 after writing the entry I titled “Most”.  I remembered to record my connection with that prayer today.  How the prayer made sense to me… Holy Spirit, strengthen after strengthen me.]

[2/21/22 I was praying the Joyful Mysteries this morning, and I picked up a breadcrumb.  The third Joyful Mystery is The Nativity: the birth of Jesus Christ.  The fruit of this mystery I am praying for is poverty in spirit.  

Sometimes I know what I am praying for.  Sometimes I do not know exactly what I am praying for, I just pray with the faith I will receive it.  Poverty in spirit is one of those I try to rest in just praying to receive, not knowing exactly what I am praying for. 

It took me some time to try and put “poverty in spirit” in my own words.  I have an idea, but when I try to put my idea into words, my words do not feel complete.  It feels like I am reaching.  

I like how today’s meditation of the third Joyful Meditation connected it so clearly for me in the “which is”.  I could not miss it…

“We pray for poverty of spirit, #whichis to love God above all things.” 

https://youtu.be/M-jZsFEg4Js

I am glad I turned the faucet off so I could hear the mediation above the sound of running water.  It was one I felt…don’t miss it.  I am glad #iwashereforit

Matthew 5:3 made its perfect sense to me this morning.]