Present.

I started a 54 Day Rosary Novena on May 8. 

It does take mental stamina, but I am not aware of that because I have been working on this muscle devotedly since 2019.  

I started praying the Rosary while I am in movement, and it has become my favorite way.  It is not just any movement, though.  I have set an intention in the movement.  It is in movement of me taking care.  I especially like to pray it when I am moving in my routine of taking care of myself.  It gives me momentum. 

I am good at ideas for my routine, but I am aware of my energy in my routine.  

I was resting beside someone I never thought I would be resting beside, though, it felt like what concrete sense feels like to me #Godsglory, and I gave myself a pat on the back for the hard work I have been keeping up.  I spoke something about what I think makes a good routine good, and I think it is being aware you didn’t do something and be okay you didn’t do it and pick it back up again tomorrow because it makes a difference.  

Collagen though. 

I agreed in his questioning.  I don’t know if collagen really makes a great difference.  I like to think it has made a difference in my joint health and that’s why it is sticking around with me, but it’s hard to say because the time I started taking it is the time I rested from walking 54 miles a week in my dog walking gig.  It would be the one thing I know Matt would celebrate if I let go.  I have tried several ways for us to intake collagen because, yes, you can taste it, it tastes tasteless.  Water tastes better than dissolved collagen. 

Brewing chamomile tea before bedtime has been the way that works.  

So the effectiveness of collagen I really know for certain is helping us get chamomile into our routine.  My mom recommended chamomile to me because she enjoyed its effectiveness.  

(June 16, 2022 I pushed Matt a little harder this morning.  

We missed collagen again last night, so I warned him incoming - we would be taking collagen in our morning lemon/chia water.  He was so relieved not to take collagen last night, he was agreeable to collagen and chia.  He wasn’t as agreeable this morning, though, when he actually had to take it but he powered through.  I was jealous he finished his as I looked at my cup.  But really, I think I have found the way- way for collagen. I am relieved.  Because I want to enjoy my cup of chamomile tea like my mom enjoys it.  And collagen has made it hard to enjoy it.  

Collagen is one of those things that I can liken to how devoted the work of God is.  I believe God works #all things for the good of His people.  Collagen is icky, but it has helped me get the goodness of chamomile into my routine.  See, that that I bolded up there is distracting, and I would have edited it out.  

Who knows if chia and collagen in the presence of lemon cancel each other out.  I took a nutrition class at Victoria College for my Early Childhood Education degree and a nutrition class for my Veterinary Technology degree.  One ‘22 afternoon, Matt sent me a link to a job from our home office.  I opened it the kitchen, and it was a step to see myself in it.  I went into his office, and we looked at it a little closer together.  It was a part-time community educator position teaching preschool-aged children about nature.  One of the job descriptions was caring for the animals within the program.  I could feel myself getting nervous.  We looked at the application contact.  #Apparently we live in a county named in Illinois, too.  It was not only a step, but it was an exciting step.  My dream job does exist.  

Dog and human anatomy are so close, how it is not identical is very fine.  If humans need an example they could reach out and touch of how to be in a perfect world, a dog would be my suggestion. 

So, I know there are some rules about supplemental vitamins and minerals and foods they are in the presence of that weaken the strength of the micronutrients’ benefit.  But collagen is a protein, so on to the next thought.   

I am glad I can cancel the worry of getting back into my routine with collagen.  It is one of the hardest ideas to get back in motion having missed just one day.  One day easily turns into weeks.  Collagen is fast! Thank goodness for chia water.  It will help hold collagen accountable while I wonder about its effectiveness; I just cannot do it all. 

I found chia water because that strange friend of mine down there shared he was trying out for a Canadian football team, and Matt told me it was going to be a hot day.  It was a cruel early summer day, it was going to be that hot. I wanted to make sure he prepared with proper hydration before and on the day of, and I found a recipe that makes hydration more bioavailable.  

Bioavailability was my favorite word in human and dog Pharmacology.  I know it doesn’t really go with hydration, but that’s how I like to tell the difference lemon chia water has made in my thirst. 

I shared the recipe with my mom and sisters, too.  Amanda, the world-class nurse she is, already knew about it.  “Yes, chia water!” she had replied.  My mom and Kate are trying chia water out, too.  

Kate showed me her #tankeen last weekend.  Matt would call my water holder a tank; he said it’s a weapon if I needed one.  It reminds me of a canteen because it’s steel and clinks and you can hear the water sloshing in it, so tankeen.  I was happy to see Kate’s 64 oz tankeen last weekend; she has been working on her water intake, too.  

My mom said my dad was not going to get along with the idea of chia water; he is funny about textures.  Matt will not admit but he is as picky about his food as my dad.  Not as picky to justify “just as picky” but picky enough. No olives, no sweet potatoes, no pumpkin, no chocolate, no alcohol.  No pumpkin justifies “as picky” in my book. Thanksgiving is my loneliest holiday.  All those burnt and mushy suppers he ate, though, he has a great appreciation for what I can serve.  

I remember one of the first meals I made him from scratch: chicken marsala.  And from scratch I mean preparing the chicken from a whole chicken.  I knew it was a brave dish because the recipe called for red wine; that is the hardest spirit for him to stand.  Is wine a spirit?  I am only questioning this because Spec’s advertisement is for wine and spirits.  After one taste, he threw the entire dish away for me.  He told me he didn’t like the sauce, and I mixed the sauce in it all.  One of the ways I count my love for Matt is his honesty, it is upfront in the moment.  But I needed help with what to do with the dish because it was a stock pot full of energy.  We named the cat by our townhouse’s dumpster, Gladys.  Gladys for Glad trash bags.  #itwasmyidea Matt worked on Gladys for a long time, and he still talks about the one time he touched her.  We have been in a rent house, our first home, and our second home since; it was a big moment for Matt.)

I started my first ever 54 Day Rosary Novena with the intention to say, “Thank you, God.” And since I began it to deepen my relationship with prayer, I am in collection of some nifty ones.  I would say my most nifty prayer thus far is for my strangest friend.  I could pray he graduates college, and I am, but I know he has a firm handle on it, so I am praying he graduates a world-class respiratory therapist (June 15, 2022 one that doesn’t have to think about the technical part of it so much so he can moreso just be present with his patient’s care at their side.) Instead, I am praying for his childhood dream he laid to rest.  When I told Matt about that nifty prayer, he related.  Matt told me once he felt like he could have taken his skill in baseball far, but his heart was in football.  I think Highschool Coach Volley Williams who knew me, too, saw his football heart most clearly. Coach Williams only knew me through my smile and hug when I was trying the long distance race in track from my experience in cross country; when he wasn’t Matt’s special team’s coach in football, he was the girls’ sprinters coach in track, and my nearest friend in high school was one of his top winningest sprinters.  I liked Coach Williams, so much I forgot the name of my own coach!  And we would tread water in her home pool for weekend workouts.  My memory is strange. I think Coach Williams could see my running heart clearly; running distance on a track is far more intimidating than running it through uneven terrain. 

I have a nifty version of how I think Matt’s conversation went with God about his football dreams when he decided to lay it to rest after taking it as far as a collegiate field.  I didn’t even know he was deciding, I just knew he decided.  The niftiest prayer in my 54 Day Rosary Novena had a sweet kickoff.  

I love strange, it is interesting.  Afterall, who is the strangest of the strange?  I think it’s God.

I am a champion at being a homebody, so the stranger, the bester.

I was praying with a Rosary titled, “The Sacrament of the Present Moment.”  I get it.  The present moment is so important it is holy.  This came to me through my mom: That is where God is, He is in the present moment.  

God was in our past.

God will be in the future. 

God is in the present.  

(June 15, 2022 We only must embrace Him in each of those tenses, and that takes presence of mind.)

In the Rosary edition the mysteries meditated on authentic faith.  Authentic faith sounds like what faith would be called in the urban dictionary.  It sounds catchy and like you’d wonder what it means so you take the time to look it up.  I took in the simplicity of authentic faith.  It just felt good to be reassured by these ideas:

One sister asked the other: And what does obedience mean?

The sister answered, “To listen.” 

I agreed with her, and then I gave my two cents: 

To listen, yes, but to listen with a discerning ear to discern the voice of God.  

My definition of obedience: To discern the voice of God. 

My definition of obedience enriches a definition I have of how kind God is: 

God gave us free will to experience His creation.  What does free will sound like to me? When we are obedient, He has faith we will follow.  What is God’s will sound like to me? To follow. 

Listening is a choice, following is an act. Obedience is wisdom.  I just sat down to look up a corn dip recipe and somehow I ended up with that. yes 

(June 20, 2022 I was thinking about corn dip again this morning and making a mental note to try it with Fritos when the illustration of being disobedient caught my attention in today’s Rosary episode.  The guest questioned himself, “Why would I not accept this invitation from Him? I realized I would be running from joy, and happiness and peace in my life if I was going against my Creator.”  The Lord pursues us, and the guest was graciously grateful He never let go.  He knew the difference with his awareness now: God is that intimately knowing of each us, we can be that disobedient, and The Holy Spirit is that fast in His endurance.)

One of the ways I appreciated the glorious in the ordinary this morning is being shocked #again at how prompt trash pick up is.  I text Matt I was going to have to start waking up with a bra on just so I can take out the kitchen trash we forgot to load in the can at the curb last night.  The curb.  We don’t even have a curb, we have an edge of grass.  I was grateful for productive citizens.  

Matt wrote on his Student of the Day profile in elementary school he wanted to be a Trash Man when he grew up.  I filled my blank in with “Veterinarian”.  (June 15, 2022 To be a veterinarian is my childhood dream.  I say “is” because I have told someone how I am an imaginary veterinarian.  The childhood part of my dream is still alive in me.)

To Matt: Happy 14th Wedding Anniversary, Did.  Do you know how it doesn’t feel that long? We already passed the mark of having spent half our life together, and I missed it.  I discovered the glorious in the ordinary by just thinking about how deep our friendship is, and it’s not by time, obviously, because I missed the mark.  (June 15, 2022 The only way I am concerned with time is how much time we have been given to experience life’s moments, and our friendship is deep by those moments.  A lot of the moments happen in our homes.)  It is easy to be present with you and part of that is how you know who I am through your knowing of who you are.  *Thank you, God.

(June 15, 2022 PS You, Matt, are one of the most present people I know.  I have written to myself you are like a good dog.  A dog is is my favorite creature, so it is the best comparison I can give to do your presence justice. https://youtu.be/wMgzldfzVjQ)

(June 29, 2008 Ai yai yai 2022  I checked in with 54 days on the calendar for the first time since day 18.  I talked to myself, “Wow, I am only two months in?  Emily, I feel so disrespectful because I feel like I’ve been with my commitment for longer than how short I’ve actually been with my commitment.”  And then, I had a second grade moment.  I did not like learning about time on Mrs. Michalski’s carpet on that big yellow clock.  

(July 14, 2022 https://youtu.be/c9xMC7lx7sY #itshardforsomepeople)

Mrs. Michalski was also Amanda’s teacher.  Having to add two months together today instead of just knowing two months together is 60 is how illiterate I felt about the concept of time sitting on that carpet learning about time.  I say I felt illiterate because even while I was learning time, I just knew I was not going to understand time like I knew I was going to understand addition and subtraction. 

I am proud of myself.  I allowed myself at 11:30p to realize I did not say a Rosary and be okay I did not say a rosary only once in a two months time.  Too, and only once did I realize I unconsciously skipped a day with the rosary, and I ended up saying two and half rosaries the next day; I think the half part was me realizing just how good my routine with the Rosary has been to me since 2019.  

Of course I would check in with 54 on Day 53; that reflects my mental stamina journey with The Rosary more accurately - it still takes a bit of mental stamina but I am in tune with Time. Checking in one day before my goal with the thinking I have to have passed the 54th day already, says to me: My Rosary is becoming a resource from my need.  The ofcourseness also says to me how important I know the prayers I have chosen to pray within 54 days are. 

My rear view mirror charm reminding me: Be Still and Know hung on by the last thread for about 54 days, ironically.  Matt and I were in the car last Sunday, and we both witnessed the last thread snap after we finished the grind for us that is going to the grocery store.  Matt remarked exhausted from my way of grocery shopping, “You made that for yourself.”  We enjoyed the decoration; the weight hanging on that string would move precisely: my favorite movement is when gravity looked defying on my curves in the road and on my turns. A few of my passengers would turn the craft in their hands to find the message.  They would never comment about what they read; they would just already know: Yes.  At least that’s what their silence would tell me: they agreed.  I put my homemade craft in my glove box, and I am replacing the space I know is empty with a Blessed Mother medallion and palm reed charms I received from “Beau The Argentine Dogo” tomorrow.  I am excited to see the medallion and palm reed charms fill the voided space and move on the same string.  I just remembered I have a St. Joseph medallion, too, ofcoursely from Beau’s next door neighbor I can add for the weight.  The idea all goes together like peas and carrots.

Except now I am ready to do something with the string, I have the St. Joseph medallion I have not moved in two years, but I must find where I moved the Mary medallion and palm reed charms last Sunday from the place they were for two years.  “Dear Jesus, Are You busy?  I’ve lost something-not-my-keys again.”  

UPDATE: Jesus was Speedy Gonzalez for that one.  I went from Point A to Point B in what felt like less than a second.  Thank you, Jesus!

Someone said:  Don’t wait to take that trip, eat that ice cream…

I hung my medallions on 53.)

(June 30, 2022 10:54p Day 54, and I forgot to say my Day 53 Rosary in all of the commotion 53 was to me.  I said a Rosary this morning, and I’ll end with a Rosary tonight to say, “Thanks Speedy God.”  In Mass as a child I always thought we were saying, “Thanks Speedy God” when in actuality after growing up from my Looney Tunes savings account Mom opened for all of us, I was really supposed to say, “Thanks Be To God.”  Childhood was great! 11:00p)