Completion.

"You're going to blog about that," Matt Who Thinks He's Funny said to me the very next day.

I am glad my content has become so familiar to Matt he is confident in what we live together will inspire me to focus.     

I have a black binder.  In it, Matt compiled everything important I need to know when he expires.  I loved him deeply for following through on his own thought like that.  #likeaweightliftedoffmyshoulders That is one way that speaks to the kind of husband Matt is.  

I have wondered what I would do with myself if Matt went first, so it is too much for me to think about our accounts.  It really is.  I am getting better with that, though.  

One way I am proud of Matt as Kate's brother-in-law is listening to his side of the telephone conversation when she has called him for financial planning advice.  How the conversation sounds is she has already taught herself the concepts and she is asking Matt what he thinks about the choices she has given herself.  

I wonder if I can teach myself that yet.  While watching an episode of Schitt's Creek I have wondered what book I would choose for myself to learn financial planning.  I respect Matt for how he leads us financially because I simply follow.  I am a good encourager, too.  I encourage us to live well within our means.  Like well as in enjoy. 

The writing of Eugene and Daniel Levy is so tight and timed well I can follow their good sense of humor enough to actually laugh out loud because I am humored whilst thinking about the future and talking to myself about not thinking too deeply about the future.  Just have an idea. 

I think I know which book I would choose: the book Matt picked up for himself in his college dorm when he wanted to learn the language.  Matt says he had one good roommate, and Matt has tried to find him.  There is no trace of him: no social media, no LinkedIn.  The other guys who played football with them, cannot find him either.  Im grateful for Mike.  I think I met Mike once when my mom and Dad took me up to visit Matt at college; Mike reminded me of a sitcom actor in the 80s or 90s; he had that kind of haircut.   

I know that book would be my choice because I get excited when I understand I am just as intelligent as Matt and Matt is just as intelligent as me.  99 times out of 10, Matt is just more intelligent than me.  Perfect!  That does not mean I do not utilize my mental faculties.  I won't let myself lose them, but Matt will not even give me a chance.  How?  He says, "No." more than "Yes." and after I accept, "No." he will agree with me, "Maybe."  

I know people do not understand how healthy my relationship with "No” is by how someone has told me I should be grateful.  Oh that made me hot and bothered #bestillandknow Matt tells me no sometimes like my mom told me no and sometimes Matt tells me "No" like my dad told me "Maybe, go ask your mother." and I know Matt really wants to tell me "No" but it is hard for him, so I understand for myself why Matt is telling me "No." whilst he is deciding “Yes” for us.  

I have only asked to trade my car in for a different car twice.  Once because we agreed a used SUV would be good for us since we were a two car-car family, and once again because trading that SUV in would help us get Matt his used truck.  Actually three times I have.  The third time was because Hank could barely stand in the car. 

I have only asked Matt we buy a different house once, and it has been a great idea for us.  I found the first rent house Matt and I purchased, and it turned out to be a good real estate investment.  I just felt it did.  I may not know the language, but I have some financial sense.  I remember watching Mom pay bills and playing on the giant calculator that had a reem of paper it printed on.  

I can write why I have cared about myself in the future enough to worry, and I have worked on it all enough to have checked it off my to-do list.  Someone once told me I should write out a to-do list like I have never used a post-it note, and I simply agreed for the sake of time because I knew how mature my to-do list already in play was.  

Someone very dear to me confessed: perpetual sadness.  Yesterday I spent a part of my routine thinking about our conversation, and that was last year.  I loved that conversation because we sounded sturdier when we hung up.  I think perpetual sadness is a symptom of joy.  My grandma even confides in her.  That's how I know it is her joy; she can mourn alongside my grandmother.  Just last year I learned my grandma likes cherry cordials, and we stayed with our grandparents in the summer.  Amanda made an observation about our grandmother, too, I agreed with.  I agree with Amanda and Kate so well, I can agree with them before they even complete their thought.

Some of the fondest memories I have in the summers is walking like 3 or 4 houses down to Grandma and Grandpa Sugarplum's house (my dad's parents) with Grandma; going to visit Auntie in the nursing home; visiting the Adoration Chapel Grandma coordinated the schedule for our Parish for as long as I can remember; and visiting The Motherhouse, especially the giftshop.  Our mode of transportation: Aunties electric blue 70's Impala.  It drove like my dad describes driving the Expedition:  A pregnant whale.  I say it drove because I did drive it once at the age of definitely a four or five year old.  I drove it like I had always watched Grandma: in reverse out of the steep driveway.  I gave Grandma a gray hair the length of her hair she’d pin all the way up in a French bun in just that moment she realized who was responsible for the commotion.  As she would say, my Guardian Angel was with me.  That afternoon my angel was in the street while Abe, my grandma and grandpa's neighbor who raced cars for as long as I can remember, was in his garage to be on my scene.  

Abe's garage made really cool sounds.  And I think his son, Mikey, who was my age followed in his footsteps.  They had an enclosed trailer for their cars; to me that speaks they were pretty skilled in their hobby.  And their family had really cool Halloween costumes, too.  Mom made really neat Halloween costumes.  Kate's "Belle" costume from Beauty and the Beast is my favorite of hers, Amanda's "Glinda" costume from Wizard of Oz is my favorite of hers, and my favorite is my "Dorothy" costume.  Off the beaten paths costumes we've requested: bear, hula girl, seniorita 

I liked visiting Auntie, but I dreaded walking the halls to her room.  Auntie did not look nor behave like the residents, she was articulate, mobile and lively.  I was young, like either just-in- school or not-yet-in-school-but-just-about-to-be young, and how some of the other residents behaved was frightening!  The hard kind of frightening where I anticipated being frightened but I had to be brave so I would not offend the residents:  Being reached for by human beings who looked- and sounded like something being made involuntary while not having a definite direction in their gaze was a lot for a very young mind to process in the moment; I had compassion for the residents in my fear.  I think I coped with my fear by weaving back and forth beside Grandma, and sometimes Grandma would direct me towards a resident and the close encounter sometimes would not be as terrifying as I perceived it.  Auntie lived near one of the entrances and sometimes Grandma parked at the other entrance.  The corridor felt long. 

I have always carried a fascination for the nun house with me, and I explored that fascination in my thirties before I even visited actual living quarters.  One of Kate's friends who has become a friend of the family asked me, "Are you going to become a nun?'  Visiting a nun's living quarters that actually had some exciting history in it too was exciting.  But not the thrilling kind.  The kind of exciting that it was what I could imagine.  A couple ways I joked with Matt I could see myself being a nun are:

(1) People would not wonder if I am ever angry.  

I would just be angry.  I have learned to cope with my anger more gracefully.  One of the most frequent randomly asked questions by a stranger I get is: “Do you ever get angry?”  I do not really like being asked that question, but people would never know by how I respond.  I just say “Yes” and if Matt is there, too, he will agree.  One of my dearest friends from high school asked me in our thirties: What makes you angry? I appreciated his question, and he appreciated my response. 

(2) People would embrace my joy.  

I think people expect- and like to see angry nuns, and I think a happy nun is mythical. 

I know I would make a great nun because in my thirties I have recognized my calling can be a bride. 

 To celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary I surprised Matt for cake in my wedding dress.  How great was this feat?  I walked 54 miles a week and strength trained most weekly evenings for two years, as part of staying fit for my occupation, to find the zipper would glide.  I will check my progress year 15.  We are 14 this year, and I have a created a lifestyle I can rest in since then. 

If I read correctly, convents have an age restriction.  Their cap is like 40.  

9:54p I knew I would make a great nun when I heard myself  respond to someone dear to me confessing to me he was scared to open his heart to Jesus.  That was a neat day.  (I didn’t even ask, we had just even talked about the kitchen sink.  He literally drew me the kitchen sink he had talked about, and #comingtoJesus was just something that came up in our conversation. Aug 21-22, 2022)

(Aug 22, 2022 I tuned into a Rosary episode this morning, and there’s a Sister who calls herself “The Ex Nun on the Run”.  Her name is neat, too: Marilis.  She sounds beloved from the looks on the guests faces when they mentioned her.  I will have to listen to Marilis’ podcast.  I am imagining she found her feet becoming a Sister and that was just the start.  There was a nun I came across I could see myself in her habit: there was a gentle, quiet and approachable seriousness about her.  But this Marilis nun sounds like the friend that would be my best #inthehabit.  Marilis sounds like a fearless good influence.  Marilis might even be the nun I can see myself as.)