Impression.

This day I am remembering was like any other, I did not wake up with the thought about a tattoo.  I have never had any opinion of tattoos other than - I cannot see my personality in a tattoo.  I can see my personality in a hairbow, rather. 

This same ordinary day was like no ordinary other, either.  I have witnessed my loved ones bravely battle cancer, but I did not understand the war.  They battled the war themselves, and I only recognized them in their grace.  I was invited one day, and I will never forget how I was received when I arrived: “You’re the only one who could make me laugh right now.” - Leanna  She had won her first battle, and she was in the midst of surveying her second, though, this was a more forceful one.  I waited alone as she was called back to scan her brain for metastasis. 

She informed me before she was called behind the door we were getting tattooed together afterwards.  I did not wake up knowing I was going to receive a tattoo today.  She understood how decisively indecisive I am, and she already had one in mind for me.  I got aquatinted with the tattoo while I sat alone in the waiting room: I envisioned myself with it.  

This had to all be meaning to be because on our way out of the medical center, there to greet me on my journey was Adam. 

Adam was a gatekeeper who every Monday, Wednesday and Friday was the second person I would see for almost a year.  I have not walked Biscuit and Zoe for over two years, and we still check on each other. 

What are the chances Adam and I, in a big city, would be outside of the gate in my same brand new moment?  I introduced him to Leanna and told him out of sequence, “I am going to get a tattoo.”  And Leanna and I were off.  

I did not yet receive the tattoo enough to tell Matt what Leanna had me up to.  We were just off to get a tattoo. #allbymyself. 

Tyson told me about his daughter while I was helping my unbelief the ink had already been impressed.  I felt like he knew I was a daughter beyond the fact I was a girl.  He cared.  “If you go any tinier than this, you will lose the visual.” How will I know this is the spot, I wondered.  And he reassured me confidently, “Oh that’s the spot.” Tyson was easy to trust.  I realized how easy it was when I allowed myself to look harder in the mirror and noticed the straps of a sports bra barely covered it.

And then the fit of me and the tattoo locked into place one day when I asked myself to see myself in the tattoo:

God asks me to give my heart away.  We take the first step together, a step in trust.  I trust His will is higher than my own, He trusts my heart for His call.  Thereafter, He is watchful. 

[1/13/22 I saved another Rosary recitation to my “Rosary” file.  The title was good, too: “A Trustfall With Jesus”. The guest was endearing, but what I enjoyed was the simple discussion about discerning God’s will.  Catherine went as far to say, “You have to really be discerning about how you discern.”  #aintthatthetruth Kristen remembered reading about Pope John Paul II: no matter what decision he had to make, he always went to God first.  I chuckled to myself how absolute that sounds because the act of discernment really does feel like it takes that much practice! Go to God first and if you must, talk about it with the right people.  Kristen added when you really have discerned what it is God wants you to do, there is a feeling of peace, though, she quoted Mother Angelica about choosing to take the first step in God’s will for us - “It feels like one foot on the ground, one foot in the air, and a queasy feeling in the stomach.” #toofunny https://youtu.be/FYJyPdLrYRk 

I thought about my great Aunt Mary in this moment.  I had a three way call with her and my Godmother earlier this week in terms of our love for Kate, and she told me how she helped her grandson pursue a promising athletic talent in football.  She encouraged him, “Ask the Holy Spirit.” I paid attention to the sequence: Aunt Mary listens, shares her experience, and points back.  

I told Aunt Mary how I liked she put that encouragement!  Not ask God, not ask Jesus, but ask…The Holy Spirit.  

I appreciated that moment in our phone call because I had not long ago just simplified my understanding of The Holy Trinity, so it really clicked when she said it the way she said it in the context she said it.  

God already did.

Jesus already did.

The Holy Spirit is our present help.  

You cannot go wrong with asking Jesus but it doesn’t hurt to really think in the righter frame of mind.  Jesus left so the Holy Spirit could come.  

My mom always references The Holy Spirit as well; though God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit are one in the same, she really speaks righter.  My mom will tell me, “It is the Holy Spirit working.”  Not it is God working and not it is Jesus working.  My mom is one of the most present people I know, so much so she references her highest help that way - The Holy Spirit. 

I already forgot what my next chore was going to be.  Oh yes, incorporating all the ingredients for Hominy Stew together.  Matt has asked me three days worth already when I am going to complete it.  It is a list of simple list of ingredients but a complex recipe.  One of the complexities is how sticky the tomatillos are!]

(The heart of the first paw is shaded blue in the black outline. I do not remember who had the idea, I only remember choosing the shade of blue. [1/14/22 The color blue reminds me of loyalty/trust.] The remaining paws are shaded black in their black outline.) 

I was grateful for Leanna’s taste if I was going to be given no choice in agreeing to receive one.  I trusted her lead, and I knew I would get somewhere good with it in time.  And I did. I loved my tattoo when that real meaning came to me.

I remember reflecting on that day and celebrating her courage in that battle.  Unbeknownst to her, we impressed that moment in laughter with the faith her brain was free and clear.  And it was. 

I am writing this memory today in prayer and thanksgiving Leanna’s mind is strong.  I await the confirmation the brain metastasis she is battling with Grace in the present has been defeated.  [ 2/4/22 #defeated…

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https://youtu.be/py7D7Z9rR4s This was the tattoo Leanna chose for herself the day we got tattooed together.  She has good taste. 

I went back to the establishment a few days fresh by myself with a letter in hand written to Tyson after my dad told me he loved the tattoo for me.