Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Orange. Orange you
glad I didn’t say banana?
There was a crawl space in the attic my mom turned into a library/playroom. As an adult with no children, it is not hard
for me to understand how intelligent my mom was as a parent. The attic was a perfect place to play when we
were inside. As a child, it was space
that felt so tiny, so far and tucked away, only imagination could get to it.
My memories of playing in the attic are vivid. That is how well-thought Mom curated it. My sisters and I would have to pass all of
our handmade Halloween costumes, all of our handsewn Easter and Christmas Mass
dresses, too, to get to the books, music and toys waiting for us. I remember the joke book that knock knock joke
was written in. I remember, too, the fuzzy
orange that when you motioned it in your hands with a pouring movement it moo’d
like a cow. And it never ran out. I don’t think it had batteries, just a noise making
contraption. It was a strange orange as
a child, but it makes perfect sense as an adult; orange juice with calcium and
vitamin D does a body good like milk. I
was most fascinated with the orange because I had a childhood milk allergy, so
I had orange juice in my cereal in lieu of milk. I like the option of orange juice and Cheerios
to this day.
I was walking beside my mom through the farm where my
grandmother and her five siblings were raised.
The farm hosted many holidays and weekends for cousins. I witnessed one cousin in his 60’s reunite
with the barn from his childhood; he was in awe just how tiny the barn actually
stood.
(May 12, 2022 My dad even has young memories on the farm. It still fills me with wonder to remember Mom and Dad grew up together as children. I think it sunk in a little more two weekends ago when he and Mom’s sister bickered more than just in laws; there was childhood in it. It sounded more like brother and sister. I asked Matt last night if he could see Mark Wahlberg in my dad, too. It is a blurry resemblance, but it’s there enough for it to come into my thoughts. I think it is by my mom standing next to him, the resemblance comes into focus. I like how my dad is not shy in giving my mom all the credit, his act puts the exclamation point on the fact she is one of a kind.
)I was invited to participate in AgapeFest, a fundraising
event for ACTS Mission, by a dear friend I met in my adventures in
dogwalking. She calls me lil’
sis, and I embrace her nickname for me! When I walked dogs, I did some extra-ordinary
things in my clients’ homes I felt moved to do. It was in her
home I reassured myself those random acts of kindness were not strange at all. She loved to cook from scratch, and with a
love like that comes piles of dishes. I went
to refill her Argentine Dogo’s bowl of water one afternoon after a walk, and atop the last night’s
pile in the sink, she addressed her best friend on a scratch piece of paper, “Do not do my dishes.” It was an endearing letter, and I just
swelled with laughter noticing it. I
sensed that degree of humor because I walked her neighbor’s dog, too. They were next door neighbors, but first they
were best friends who reached each other through a gate they installed in the length of the backyard privacy fence they shared. I nicknamed the neighbors turned best friends, The
Dishwater Friends.
Since I received her invitation, I pondered agape.
(May 13, 2022 One of my favorite places to visit in the home Matt and I have made for ourselves is our closet. I enjoyed the process of watching it become mine. It needed a complete remodel. Now my wedding reception dress I shared with my sister in her engagement I purchased with compensation from my first and only year teaching is zipped on a dress form to view…
That Badgley Mischka dress is magic. It is a teeny tiny size that only fits on a moment of 
I love seeing my closet live on Amanda and Kate; I do not often wear my closet, but I do like the clothes I find for myself, and I cannot keep up with them.
I really enjoy curating an outfit from my closet. I used to feel like I had to buy something new when I was going “somewhere”, but I quit. I have really taken the time to appreciate the care I take in choosing clothes for myself by shopping in my closet. I do not have a particular style, but I love subtle detail. Detail that you don’t notice right away, but it has always been there. It just makes style stand the test of time, and that means less shopping! There is not much that I do not like, but I do not like shopping.
I named the Pinterest board I made for closet ideas, “Pretty Little Details” because little detail in clothes is just so pretty.
The theme for AgapeFest is Casino Night. I found two outfits in my closet I thought fitting for the theme, and when I realized the invitation was encouraging everyone to lay back in a t-shirt, I had to go shopping. My t-shirts are rough. I have one I only wash with Woolite. I like wearing t-shirts so much, my options are slim. Like jeans, a good t-shirt is hard to comeby. I went through a stent wearing only YMCA t-shirts. I don’t know what kind of cotton they blend in those t-shirts, but the only thing that fades about them is the dye and screen printed lettering. I don’t have any YMCA t-shirts today, but that would be a good reason for me to go to a thrift store. #notetoself I am not Macklemore, I have little patience to sift. YMCA shirts standout! [May 15, 2022 I think #daysgoneby are YMCA t-shirts, but I did not miss them too much on my first try. My t-shirt collection just got a breath of fresh air…
I found the perfect t-shirt for the theme to wear with my paper bag jeans I have been wanting to break in the smell of. I do not really care for the smell of new jeans with stretch, but I only wash them like two times a year or if I sweat in them. And these jeans have been brand new for over twelve months!
)Matt has been pronouncing agape around the house as /uhgawpee/. It makes me laugh to myself because he says it with conviction that’s how it is actually pronounced, though, neither of us formally know. It also reminds me of The Three Amigos and El Guapo.
I pronounce it like /a grape/
without the /r/. I like to include the
/r/ in my mind because I like grape flavor.
I especially like grape flavored Shasta, and while grape Kool-Aid is not
my favorite flavor, I do like an ice cold glass of grape Kool-Aid more than lime
Kool-Aid but less than fruit punch Kool-Aid.
Before I knew the definition of agape, I had an idea of what it feels like: Agape feels so vast like I would not know exactly how to move in it but when you just move, the space embraces you with plenty and plenty and plenty and plenty #andplenty more room for even bigger movement. It feels like agape likes to see you grow stronger. The image of a baby bird learning to fly came to my mind’s eye to illustrate how agape would seem in liking to see growth. A baby bird learning to fly is instinctual but it does not look pretty. Agape feels strange, eternal and greater!
After I came up with those ideas about agape for myself, I opened a search.
But before I took a dive, I cannonballed:
Cody called me out of the blue to tell me I have been eating
a banana all wrong!
I Googled: “Banana eating a monkey.” Seriously!
Isn’t word funny? Word is so meaningful,
sense is made from it. Cody had spun me
around in our conversation! We hadn’t communicated with each other at all in two years time. I told him the last time we talked I was making a craft he invented the name for, a Snowp Globe (It is a food grade snow globe that dispenses hadndwashing soap. Idea est. 11/9/20.)
Even though our communication has always followed this distance pattern, Cody was still shocked our present conversation felt like we talked just last week. I think it was so shocking because the phone call needed no formal invitation. He just called, and I picked up. He has not changed
since he approached me at the water fountain our freshman year in high school. I
laughed at how good our conversation was, and then Googled right: “Monkey eating
a banana”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jv4n9JeasNM
Cody was right. I
intentionally found a video with multiple monkeys, and every monkey ate the
banana opposite the way of humans. I
wonder who flipped the banana around and who it was to follow suit. I bought a bunch of bananas at the grocery
store today. Not a bunch like a lot but
a bunch like a bunch of bananas. It was the first bunch since that
conversation, and this is a reminder to myself to eat the bananas upside down
from upside down. It is going to be fun,
I just know it.
Cody was a friend who exchanged handwritten letters with me
on the windshield of our vehicles in the high school parking lot. That is why we can even make a conversation about bananas over the
telephone today.
Agape is a love. Agape love is a founding love. Agape love is a constant love, an unconditional love. Agape love does not change upon the conditions. Agape love is a love that does not happen on condition. Agape love is a persevering love. Agape love is a healing love. Agape love is a vulnerable love.
Writing agape love is a vulnerable love, I related how it first came to me as what it feels like. Agape love is not dependent, why movement in it does not feel definitive. But agape love does feel like a definitive space, a space to do right.
There is an illustration of agape love, too. While I was following a trail, I read the illustration is The Crucifixion of Christ. There is an existing trust in agape love, yet Christ still asks us to trust.
I was listening to “St Therese Lisieux Novena,” and I heard how gently Christ asks: “Suffering comes in many forms and none of us are immune to it. Jesus carried his cross and asks us to take up ours and follow Him. Since that is what He asks, He will give us the grace and strength to endure the suffering of this life. As long as we continue to trust and Hope in Him.”
I asked myself what does it mean to be saved by Jesus Christ? The term “saved” in terms of Christ and Heaven is too abstract for me, so I grounded the common phrase for myself: By receiving the truth of His life, there is a way to live openly.
I pondered the illustration for a moment, and I realized a boundary exists in agape love. It is a hard boundary, too. Romans 12:9
(May 18, 2022 I have been asking myself, if Jesus already did, why does He still ask? This came to me: Jesus would not ask if it had been easy for Him. That is how good (not easy) following the will of God is. God gave us an extreme example of trust so we may believe, and then we are asked because if I had to say: making the choice gives us courage. I heard Kate through and through when we were encouraging each other in writing one night, “I will keep walking down this road if you do.” I receive the extreme example of Christ as encouragement: The will of God is not for the faint of heart, but by the example of Jesus we have been given, we can trust the will of God is extremely good. Like my Grandma told me, “Jesus did not promise us a rose garden.” Jesus Christ only promises us the truth.)
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