I spent over an hour watching homeade iced oatmeal cookie recipes. I have worked hard in having this kind of patience for myself, this has been a progress report of some sort. I enjoyed the time in watching many makings of iced oatmeal cookies for one to choose. I found the recipe I want to try by the same maker who taught me a thing about making Rice Krispie treats I believe in. I was happy to find a recipe by her for my craving. I am taking the recipe day by day: Today I pulsed two cups of old fashioned oats. I wondered if that step was necessary because she didn’t say, but another recipe did say, so I just did it. I took it easy on myself and used the blender instead of getting the food processor out. Tomorrow I will measure out the other dry ingredients. (September 22, 2022 I didn’t want to do that today, but I encouraged myself. I exercised gently reaching four times; two times more than I planned because I also measured out the sugar for the wet ingredient mixture.) (September 23, 2022 I didn’t make it to cookies today. I hardly made it to one piano practice, and I didn’t make it to my afternoon smoothie. I like how Kate put cookies. Kate doesn’t buy cookies, if she really wants them, she will bake them. I agree. I’ll try again tomorrow.)
I canceled my order for physical therapy. I will do it, but it feels too early. My swelling is still very much here and reactive; I am still feeling the swerve Matt doesn’t remember making driving me to one of my follow up appointments last week. I watched a few rehabilitative videos, in lieu, so I don’t get too far behind, and reaching for the baking powder seems physical. My mom reminded me this morning: Do not rush your healing. In the presence of other people, I rush myself. I am happy to find my range of motion this early in gently restoring my routine, not in rote exercise. I worked pretty hard for the routine I was still building, and I miss it. But I know it is waiting for me. (I am doing the bare minimum right now. Today I added one luxury back: massaging my scalp with castor oil/pumpkin seed oil/rosemary essential oil now I can reach over my head. I told my godmother I never knew I built a routine for care in myself around my ribcage. September 23, 2022)
A part I bet I am going to have to rebuild, though, is my wavy hair routine. I worked hard on thickening my hair, and it has just been falling and falling. That’s how I know how to accept how stressful something really was, by my hair’s reaction. This was stressful. But I slept in the gel cast many nights working on the foundation of my routine hearing it helped curl memory, so hopefully my hair remembers. I don’t have my hair to help me through this one.
I asked myself one day, “How are you feeling?” I told my Godmother how I answered myself that day, “I feel reduced.”
(In response to how audible my attitude over the telephone was, my godmother remarked how it sounded to her, “God chose this for you.” By the sequence of the accident in light of the control I had in it not happening (lots) but it happening (narrowly), it is strange how much sense her remark made coming from her. It makes its most sense in how my grandma put my feeling of healing, “Jesus is with you every step of the way.” Though I would not have chosen this for myself, it has felt incredible my strength for this has just been there! I still have to put in the work of receiving it, though, and part of that is being mindful. And part of being mindful is respecting what my body is telling me about the pain it is in.
I am thinking about Grace now and a fine line. Grace is there to carry you through, but Grace has to be respected. I think a way to know Grace has been abused is if we find ourselves stuck in a circumstance we are desperate to be apart from.
Why I am going to make a bold claim about Grace: I don’t think God wants us to become dependent on Grace.
Someone affirmed my intuition about him when he randomly agreed with an opinion I gave him: There is Grace in consequence. He agreed with me like he needed no explanation while I was ready to explain it. I recognized that, and, instead I just gave him an example of people on a Maury Povich show who denied Grace.
I think consequence is when we are learning what God’s will for us is.
Why I think God would rather us only to recognize and receive Grace so we can know Grace and instead become dependent on His Will for us.
(The boldness in my claim about Grace: God’s will is no Grace necessary because it just already is Gracefull. You’d think God’s will would be boring, but it is challenging to be bored with it because it’s greater than your imagination, it has everyday strength like that. That’s the beauty of Grace in God’s design of His individual will for each and every one of us, it is that fragile and it is that championing. September 24 & 26, 2022)
The beauty of God’s design of free will, in my opinion, is an intimate relationship with Grace.
How do I agree “God is in control”? God bestows Grace for us to receive. He has given us that much control.
How I agree we have to “Let go and let God”? Let go of what you will and give God’s will a chance.
I have been rambling. Right now my body is talking to me and telling me I’ve been sitting too long. Where’s the ice? September 23, 2022)
Someone asked me how I felt on Monday. I answered, “I feel weary.” My mind has been feeling weary. Especially in the afternoon. My mind carried the pain in my body and now my mind is being patient with my body as my brain is learning what my body is ready for. (No wonder the wearier! The nurse called me to say the PA reviewed my three week follow up xray, and the fractures are on the slower track to mending. I am looking at eight weeks of healing. I am being encouraged to begin recovery at the end of eight weeks with an assessment by a physical therapist. Who knew the speed of my timeline all along? My mom. For example, Mom said don’t even consider recreationally riding in a car until 6 weeks if I want to be most successful in my healing and the PA encouraged me to drive only if necessary by suggesting underhand turns should be manageable. Can you imagine someone following politely behind me on a turn of that nature? Sadly I can only imagine marginally. September 22, 2022)
I am grateful for this happening at a time where I really do not need to do anything.
I have learned a trick for the mental hangover feeling: a chocolate chip peanut butter banana smoothie. The tricks for my trick to trick my brain into appreciating it satisfying me like I know a milkshake mindlessly would: strain the Greek yogurt overnight, then freeze the strained Greek yogurt in globs to plunk in the blender, and use frozen bananas, too.
I took my smoothie with me to this piano this afternoon.
(Today I made a new smoothie I would not recommend for someone trying to maintain a diet and still be satisfied, a coffe one I added flaxseed to. I like the nutty flavor of flaxseed with coffee, but it needed a boost of sweet, and I used plain yogurt. I think adding honey and vanilla would help my appetite for the flavor. I am trying to balance having compassion for myself yet still have a closet I can to return to. I am taking in this recipe, but I need to tweak my next shot at it. The chill it gave me in the afternoon was still refreshing, though.
I am preparing frozen globs of pumpkin purée. I am taking care to ensure the canned ingredients read: just pumpkin. And not added sugars. I saw a cookednamedmatt make a pumpkin spice latte, and his pumpkin purée came from baking a real pumpkin. I splurged on Libby.
I grated fresh nutmeg today in my coffee smoothie, and it excited me for fall. Nutmeg and cardamom are my favorite “sweet” spices and while they are timeless, they give me the most thrill in the fall. I am excited to try my pumpkin pie “milkshake” tomorrow.
I am doing a motivational thing: One of my favorite things is Pizza Friday. We grew up on pizza on Friday. Pizza on Friday is something that gets me through to the next pizza on Friday. Just for the moment, I am working on pizza only twice a month instead of four. I am doing that with Hamburger Sunday, too. Hamburgers only twice a month instead of four. It will be good for Matt, too, for the moment. I am proud of him for keeping up with his workouts; he said they’ve been more challenging these days. I have high hopes for this pumpkin pie smoothie to satisfy me on my first Pizza-less Friday. September 22, 2022)
(September 24, 2022 I cleaned the toilet this morning to be physical, and I’ve never cleaned the toilet more mindfully than I did today. I made myself laugh because cleaning it today made me realize just how mindfully I clean the toilet normally which made me laugh because I already knew I clean the toilets mindfully. I had to convince myself to slow my roll and clean just that toilet. I am going to ask Matt to clean the other two over this weekend. I don’t have to watch Matt to clean the toilet to know I clean them mindfully. I just know because I remind myself of the reason for the sequence when I realize I am cleaning it mindlessly. I realized where I am beginning the fifth week of healing: Unloading the dishwasher and cleaning just one toilet knocked me out; I slept pretty hard after that.
During my first week of healing I was brushing my teeth with my Sonicare, and my mom turned the corner of the bedroom asking me, “Are you cleaning?” My mom knows enough to beg the question at me. I can be my own worst enemy, but I am being my best friend at the start of my fifth week and decided one toilet and one sink was enough. I iced down after the chore and then made the pumpkin pie smoothie; I did okay missing Pizza Friday even without the pumpkin pie smoothie yesterday. Matt made the pasta in the movie “Chef” and he measured the ingredients, so hit the spot. I like the pumpkin pie smoothie better than the peanut butter banana and the coffee smoothie and the chocolate covered strawberry smoothie. I don’t know if straining the canned pumpkin purée would yield anything, but I am going to try one day. If I can make a smoothie creamier, I will.)
I am so grateful I began teaching myself piano when I did. I am in that spot with learning it where I have overcome uncertainty if it’s within me with confidence in learning it is; I can entertain myself with a few simple songs I can read from sheet music. I began piano in intuitive timing.
I randomly read somewhere this week “Struggle gives you energy.” I only tried to make sense of that for a moment, and then thought, I will just let it come to me. It came to sense, here. Sitting down to moreso now teach myself piano from sitting down to learn how to teach myself piano helps pour all this good mental energy into something good for myself. I worked up to sitting at the piano about four times a day my third week of healing, I was struggling for the fourth week to come. I only have the stamina to support a sitting position for fifteen minutes, though. Which is fine with me. Fifteen minutes is just enough to tease my interest; I feel like that’s the stuff of hobbies.
My hair when I began at the piano. My hair will be back soon, I got the recipe.
Matt has had a pretty good sense of humor through this. I have to say my sense of humor has been pretty sharp, too. I asked him last night at supper, “So how many ribs do you think you have to fracture before you begin feeling diminishing returns in terms of pain?” He smiled at me and answered, “I’d guess three.” I broke two. He remarked I set myself up for laughter. Controlling the physiology of uncontrollable laughter feels like how Santa Claus looks when he’s laughing. I know what jolly feels like now. Matt was funny tonight, too. I have been too quiet to be cranky, but I cracked tonight. I got a little cranky in a transition tonight. Matt responded, “Be careful. You’re in pain, and I can hurt you just by making you laugh.” Of course his brave wit made me laugh. I feel like our close sense of humor is what is keeping us close through my healing.
Transitions have been most mentally taxing. I have already wished I had a walk in tub, the one where the tub wall has a little door in it. Transitions that bring me closer and closer to bedtime are getting more challenging; I have started procrastinating them rather than them just taking me that long. I’m ready to crawl into bed and sprawl out, but I’m still confined to propped pillows and the accessibility of the sofa. I have been increasing my sleeping angle steadily. I spent hours for several days browsing for the sofa that has taken the responsibility upon itself to support my rest and healing, so at least I know the hours to find the sofa I chose were worth it. Edloe Finch.
The mental freedom that’s been arriving slowly enough for me to notice this week was quick to trick me into thinking I could spend some time propped up in a bed this week. The end of my tunnel is a 180 degree sleep on my left side. I now know what my bedroom smells like; I have been away from it for that long.
Tonight I am keeping it simple with a bowl of Teddy Grahams and Cheerios since the ground turkey didn’t want to defrost for meatloaf. Matt looks forward to nights like this where he can enjoy a bowl of Campbell’s soup without my resistance. He thought it was fun to report he found the can he likes comes in a packaged pack of three at his last shopping trip for us. I tried out H-E-B curbside today to give Matt a hand. I will use it again, but I will never order produce through it. Scratch that, I ordered two eggplant. I haven’t looked to see how they compared to the ones I would have chosen. I will never order fruit through it. I know exactly how I like my strawberries picked, and Matt does not have it down completely yet. (September 22, 2022 Matt is right behind me. I was in the fridge this morning and he says, “You should have tested Curbside by adding strawberries.”
Today, though, I feel like “kitty fiction”: two steps back. The swelling has subsided enough I found the pain of ache in my rib bones; I felt another episode of syncope beginning to descend on site of that awareness. I have a high pain tolerance, I think, because I am highly sensitive to pain. I argued with my body this morning it was being a little dramatic, but I surrendered to how it was feeling, and I got myself to the ground to help the episode pass safely. At the end of my first visit with the PA her goodbye to me was, “Try not to fall again during this time.” I am listening. Fighting off a full episode of syncope gave me energy for a really hard nap until Dixie woke me up for lunch. It was in good time - my head already felt yucky, and I did not need the added ick of a nap hangover- that immunity wore off after the first week- and I enjoyed sleeping throughout those days, too. Second week was the initiation of work. Dixie’s tendencies have made for positive rehabilitative therapy that has barely been just right. A friend called to check in on me, and he asked how Dixie was doing. I told him I am so glad I put in the work with Dixie when I did, at the very start. The work she has worked on putting in for me from the start has really paid off this week, just a knock on the window can alert her. That has come in really handy and was barely handy in time for this injury. Moral of the story clip: Do not procrastinate your intuition, intuition is always in good time for a reason. Hank is perfectly fine going out twice a day, though, I make him go out at lunch, too.)
(September 24, 2022 I am still not ready to laugh, but I am doing it anyway even knowing the consequence. Instead of pain, the consequence is discomfort. Matt was hesitant to share a clip with me, and I did not like his hesitation even though it was sweet and considerate. I encouraged him to share it with me, and it made me laugh. The comedic timing in the clip was the kind of funny that if I just randomly thought about it apart from the film, it would make me laugh. The person who filmed knows something about what’s going to make a good memory, the person captured it all. Matt even said, “They’re going to replay that at the kid’s graduation or wedding.” I am paying for this evening’s fit of laughter tonight, my swelling reacted and my bones ache. What I like most about the clip is the little girl at the end trying to salvage things but she can’t follow “her brothers” act. It was already done. https://youtube.com/shorts/sdt0R-5LFsc?feature=share
I highly recommend being patient with laughter through rib fractures. I cannot even take a hydrocodone tonight it is that kind of discomfort verging on the kind of pain I don’t want to remember. I weened off of hydrocodone completely by the third night after my accident, and I couldn’t even if I convinced myself just to take it because I already took the doctor’s dose of Tylenol and ibuprofen. I needed help so tirelessly I had to actively think and remind myself I juuuust took a dose with no more room. So, I just tuned into a rosary episode. I called Matt for my phone and he has caught on all his own. He told Hank and Dixie, “She needs to say the rosary for some comfort.” Rib fractures are the pits.)
(September 25, 2022 Yesterday I made two decisions. I decided I am not going to make cookies until the sixth week when, hopefully, I will be walking a few houses down the street and back by then. I have all the dry ingredients measured out. And I decided when I feel comfortable enough to ride in the car I would like to ride to Dairy Queen and try a Smores Galore for all my hard work in appreciating the dense flavors of a smoothie when all I really want is ice cream. I have found out some pretty random stuff lately, and I would like to try that vintage Dairy Queen menu item. 8:19p Matt just asked the question while I am resting and he is watching Sunday Night Footabll, “Isn’t it going to be amassing when you go for a ride in the car? Where will you go first?” I have never heard of the word amassing, and I had to look it up when spellcheck did not have anything to say about it. Amassing works- I will feel like I am gathering something now to realize on that car ride. I’d say that something I am gathering now to realize later is an appreciation that’s even greater. Gratitude is eternal.
(September 27, 2022 The first day we moved into our new home, our neighbor asked us if she could watch her schnauzer on New Years Eve. It was mid-November when we moved in. I thought that was an ode to Matt and I. We were strangers, she was a widow, and she had never left “Poncho” overnight. I guess if we didn’t measure up she would have said she asked her other neighbor by NYE, but we made the cut, and we only had the one exchange when we moved in. My point is, she thanked us with a gift card to her favorite restaurant. She said it was her saving grace when her husband died. I understood wholeheartedly, it was a hamburger joint and Matt calls me the Hamburglar. My saving grace during the hardest time was my mom. When she left, it was rice cakes! It was satisfying enough I didn’t feel too terrible eating them like a meal. At the start of my third week, when I was still feeling pretty crappy, I was walking to the pantry to return my last bag of rice cakes I could have easily finished off but I knew I needed them tomorrow, too. I happened to look up and out of the kitchen window in my route, and I saw Poncho. Poncho has gotten out once before, that I know of, and Matt was home, alerted his mom, and helped Poncho home. I was home alone by myself. Matt was nowhere near home in his drive home from work. I cursed Poncho while I was getting decent he had to choose that day of all days, and especially when I got to the end of the driveway and called out to him to come but all I received from him was a glance looking back at me as he continued on his adventure. I got Poncho home. Turns out the landscaping crew left his gate open. My point is rice cakes are saving.)
I asked Matt over a ham sandwich at lunch, - My appetite has been waning. I realized that was true when I did not really feel anything when I passed on Pizza Friday and when I wasn't disappointed this batch of meatloaves really lacked flavor. I get disappointed when that happens with meatloaf because the recipe I like to follow has a few extra steps than most recipes.- "Am I dramatic?' I think my weariness has begun to show because Matt remarked, "Be careful, you are going to laugh." I assured him I would not. Matt's answer, "It depends." I was wondering because I have not gone outside since I last went outside and got bitten by a mosquito. I can withstand a mosquito bite in the grand scheme of things, but in the moment, I can hardly. I can hardly withstand hunger pangs, too, they make me nauseous if I do not respect them. After I was done with the conversation, Matt hinted with a smile I was barely not dramatic.
So far I am thrilled to be in the fifth week of things, for example, a sneeze isn’t so scary anymore. I have sneezed three times since I fell, I can count them, but I am still hoping the fifth week goes better than its introduction. I laughed too much yesterday evening because I was starting to feel the freedom in it, and I have missed laughter - I went to sleep in pain, I woke up in the middle of the night in pain, and this evening I managed the pain back to discomfort. That is a wearying notion. Rib fractures are pitiful!)
(September 26. 2022 On the way out to work this morning Matt told me you’ll rest today because I won’t be here; in Matt’s presence I can make myself laugh, too. I laughed very carefully today, and it felt great. I have always appreciated laughter but it hits a bit different now and will when I regain that freedom. Still, I don’t have laughter to get me through this one.)
(September 27, 2022 I think rib fractures would make a great pre-kindergarten teacher; it’s an incredibly patient injury. Good thing I was a pre-kindergarten teacher. The swelling is quite stubborn, and I am being diligently compliant in my healing. I had to remind myself I am more than halfway through week 5 today because I felt like “week 3” crept in on me this afternoon and it has taken me through the night, 11:47p, to get it managed. Discouraging. Matt seems to think I cut pain management with NSAIDs a little too early, and I am behind the pain. I am just hoping this is only the worst before the better next step. I’ve noticed that healing pattern: struggle, relief, worse, better, relief, struggle, worse, better, etc. and even still I cannot be too sure that’s what today was because it felt the injury was being just that patient. I have not had physical activity nor deep breathing to get me through this one. Just some grit. Still, I am happy to be in week 5 because I am at the mercy of it, and that mercy is I’m not on the 6 week healing track. I may have tested into the Gifted/Talented Program, but I struggled through the Accelerated Reader Program. Rib fractures are pitiful.
Things I would not recommend when working with rib fractures:
*no down feather pillows
*no coconut flakes on a fruit salad #justgowithit)
(September 30, 2022 Was the worst before the better next step, and I heard from my body this morning keep up the patient work because I am just barely at the next step from the last. I am having the respect for my body today like I don’t know what week I am in. Though, I have definitely been counting up the weeks; I saw my little buck today, and we both knew it has been six weeks since we’ve seen each other.
My goal for late sixth week is to walk a few houses down the road and back. I have been helping that goal by walking to the mailbox and back this past week; I am ready to exercise the physical freedom I am regaining. My goal for this week was to exercise the mental freedom I have regained and read. I read an article https://www.ncfgiving.com/stories/what-trees-teach-us-about-life-death-and-resurrection-part-1/ and I returned to see what the character in the book my godmother mailed to me was up to; I started my book first of July. I know of some things I do fast.)
(October 3, 2022 8:00p Goal. I walked a few houses down and back, and how I feel about it: I couldn’t find my tennis shoes at first because I forgot what they looked like. How do I feel? I feel like I am shifted. I also had a talk with myself after I departed from Matt, Hank and Dixie and headed back up the road to the house. I checked in with myself and I answered, “I am where I want to be.” And the amount of work it took to get to this feeling tonight has been insurmountable, that I did. And then I remembered Adam, I have been thinking about Adam a lot lately and praying for him. He was the gate guard to Biscuit’s neighborhood who gave me the encouragement I wondered how he knew to give because we didn’t have time for heart to hearts, we just had time to talk about how we were feeling that MWF morning. My general feeling was, “I am so exhausted.” Matt warned me taking a 7a walk MWF was going to wear me out. But taking that walk is how I met Adam, and his encouragement was, “You’ll know where you want to be.” I trusted it. Adam left to be a VIA bus driver before I stopped dogwalking in November 2019, and I have never asked him what his bus route is because I have more fun looking for him in the driver seat in every VIA bus I pass on the road. One day I will tell Adam about that.)
(October 5, 2022 I am glad I began training flexibility when I did. I really think where I got in my flexibility staved off worse tension and stiffness in my neck and back that could have been, and what I did experience felt deep. I tried light and basic stretching today for the first time in six weeks, and all I could seem to think is how grateful I am for a peace I am feeling in the beginning again of what feels like from scratch. Though, I know I am just at a new baseline. I trust how I trained, slowly, precisely, and steadily from different angles, I will be back to the place where I was almost about to achieve my goal in good time. I paid particular attention at how the patience in my body felt, it felt good to lift my hands above my head and take breathe in with little ache. I’ve been working on that movement unloading the dishwasher and reaching in the cabinets and pantry. I liked I could just enjoy the movement while I was sitting on my mat in the middle of a room that has been completely deserted. I didn’t have to put any work into it because I have already put in the work. I say how empty the room has been dramatically like that because a lot of movement happens in that room. Something happened again today that put into perspective the mental load healing from this has been. I forgot which light switch on the panel turns on the light in the garage. Just kidding, I have never had any of the switches on a panel committed to memory. But I still cannot get over what actually put the load into perspective: forgetting what my tennis shoes looked like. I’m still not over that because it’s so funny it’s serious. I am glad to be back.
My goal for Week 7 is to sleep in my bed. I’m going to see where I am at with freedom in sleep tonight. So long as I can just sleep in my bed tonight, that will be a good step. I’ve been working on steps just towards that since the fourth week. I am so thankful for the sofa I carefully chose. I don’t know what I would have done without it. Make do. Those were rough nights until I tried the sofa. Then, they just became tough.)
(October 7, 2022 While I delayed trying to sleep in bed last night, I am still not ready. But I did do something I wanted to do this week…
I call these my Get
Well Soon Iced Oatmeal Cookies. They remind me of Grandmother’s 👵🏼. Shoot! I did it again. I mean Mother’s brand. Prepping this cookie recipe was the physical therapy I gave myself when I canceled the prescription for physical therapy my third week. I wasn’t ready. Going at it at my own pace, I was able to work in the kitchen today, making pudding and roasting eggplant, too, and I feel like I have not rushed my healing one bit. I did feel really tired after I finished the eggplant, so I think I may have done one too many tasks, but I feel like I am nearly in sync with body’s input/rest needs given my output/exertion. I have really worked hard on correcting the imbalance there, and I have gotten somewhere far.
I am where I want to be, overall, improving and feeling improved.)
(October 9, 2022 I am thankful for the timing of this injury. I would have laughed anyway on Matt’s 40th birthday yesterday, but I was laughing in little pain. I was feeling sore from working in the kitchen yesterday, and it reminded me I am in week 7. It was a weird soreness to feel from working in the kitchen that I’ve only ever felt because of something that happened 7 weeks ago.
I am grateful to be in week 7 because I remember how reduced I felt week 1: I expended all the mental concentration I had in guarding myself from the reality of the pain I was actually in. I know so because I nearly “choked” on a coconut flake.
My mom and I remembered the time about the coconut flake, and Kate, Amanda, Matt and my dad laughed on with me and my mom about it yesterday afternoon. Mom remembered it by saying she was glad I could laugh about that now. I even remember not being able to decide to laugh or cry because I was choking on a damn coconut flake. It was a hard moment. Anticipating the pain that was going to come in the midst of accidentally inhaling a coconut flake onto the back of my throat, I remember that, too. That’s how painful it was to clear the flake, I anticipated the hurt. In other words, I was completely aware of the reality of the pain I was in I could anticipate hurt. That’s how much mental concentration I was expending week 1. I was aware, and I had to shake my awareness of it by being present in every move I was making with my body. Someone asked me how I was feeling week 1, and I responded, “I feel like a tortoise,” but what I really meant was, “I feel like a tortoise moving at a sloth’s pace.” The weight of the injury’s responsibility in its first two weeks was heavy. I remember week 1 sleep, it felt like a black void; my brain refreshed that hard. I will always remember how pitiful week 1 was: One) I once needed my mom’s help to pump soap into my hands and Two) the physician’s assistant gave me the truth I knew my body was giving me no choice but to abide in: After the second week, you can start trying to reach for something on the shelf.
Last night I worked on changing my sleeping position while sleeping on the sofa. When I shift onto my left side, my right side feels completely hollow up in the air. It is such a weird feeling I hardly gave it a chance; it feels ghostly. When I shifted onto my right side, the side of my fractures, it was a science; I had to give it a chance by finding the right spot that allowed me to ease into the pain of the weight. I say when I shift because I have been trying weight-bearing on my sides since maybe the fourth week, but I have only slept on both my left and right side last night. I think, though, my neck woke me up while I was sleeping on my right; it must’ve been taking all the heat in compensation. I woke up with a sick headache and it ran from the base of the right side of my neck into my right temple. It took me into this evening to work the tension out. Hydration, ice packs, heat packs, massages, getting fresh air, and playing piano. I figured I’d do all of the hard work on the sofa so when I finally make it back to sleeping in my bed, which hasn’t happened yet, it will be no work and all rest. I felt a taste of freedom in sleep. I know it is good to sleep on your back, and I think through this I have finally built sleeping on my back into my sleep repertoire, but knowing on my back is the only restful choice right now is exhausting me. Getting to sleep on my left side and getting to sleep on my right side meant the light at the end of the tunnel is brighter - I am at a full 180. 180 feels so relieving on my low back, hips and and legs.
My tension headache was enough motivation to try a ten minute gentle guided yoga routine this morning. Dixie likes to see me roll out my mat.
On the 7th, I made the entire banana pudding to celebrate a 40th kind of birthday from scratch, I just didn’t grow the bananas.)
(October 14, 2022 Matt had to remind me I am 7 weeks complete. That is a great thing. I thought I was at 8 weeks complete. That is how relieved I am feeling. I have slept two nights in a bed this week. I am not yet back in my own bed, but I am familiar with the bed I am sleeping on. It was my bed before my bed. I am pretty good on sleeping on my left side now, too. I worked on that on the sofa, and it felt so great to sleep in a bed on my left side. I am a fetal position sleeper. I never liked that term, fetal position. I was also a stomach sleeper. A good thing to come out of these rib fractures is I have replaced sleeping on my stomach with sleeping on my back. I think I have heard sleeping on your stomach is not the best. I am not so concerned about sleeping on my right side, the side of my fractures, because it never feels good for my right arm which requires what feels like life-long awareness this far down the road. I am happy to be feeling a taste of freedom in my sleep again. I am up to walking 0.4 miles. Last night I was sore from it, but the extra nudge was worth it because tonight’s 0.4 mile walk with Hank and Dixie felt more comfortable. My goal for week 8 is to comply with doctor orders and complete a physical therapist’s assessment and sleep in my own bed.)
(October 16, 2022 Since I have been sleeping in an actual bed now, I cannot keep up with my goals since my ultimate goal since I left my bed in late August was to return to my bed, and I am so close. My third night in a bed was not as easy as the first two nights, it took a little work to get comfortable and I almost just gave into the sofa. I am going to try sleeping in my own bed tonight.
I should have stuck to my Dairy Queen goal today. Dairy Queen was easy to trade in for the frozen yogurt shop because I either wanted a DQ S’mores Galore or to try this frozen yogurt shop. When I found out about the DQ S’mores Galore, the employee said she brings her own graham cracker dust because she knows her patrons who order the vintage menu item. I figured there was less disappointment in going to The Arctic Ape because I didn’t have anything in particular I wanted there. I should’ve just rode to Dairy Queen. You cannot go wrong with Dairy Queen even if they don’t have the menu item you’re visiting for. My tasting experience at the frozen yogurt shop didn’t really match the anticipation I got from their website. I did enjoy watching little kids get excited to visit The Arctic Ape, though. There were a pair of young children that were so excited, they pretended to be monkeys together from their car to the entrance door. And then there was a family that followed shortly after that family; Matt easily calculated their frozen yogurt bill to be no less than $100, and it looked like the kids knew they were being treated.
Dixie was happy to hear what I did on my first outing today. She layed up on the sofa beside me and was just wagging and wagging her little nub as I told her about the Halloween flavors I tried.)
October 29, 2022 My dad told me, “You’ll wake up one day and it will feel like a bad dream.” I woke up today, and I felt that. I am grateful for the timing of the injury; I don’t think shivering would have felt too good. I am sleeping through the night in my own bed both on my left side and on my back. Sleep is one of the best things to come from this injury; I am getting to sleep before 11p now, and I am sleeping on my back. I say sleep is one of the best because my relationship with sleep felt like I needed more help than I could give. I am back to walking my full walking route, though, at a slower pace. I am stretching a 40 minute routine for the first time today, and I am feeling like my flexibility did not regress much at all.
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